Tea with Ren: Don’t Ask Me to be Civil when They’re Tearing Families Apart (6/8/2025)
Alright friends. I’m coming to you live in the middle of an overnight shift, which is why I’m posting this a little early tonight. Tonight we’re talking about keeping quiet tones in writing and journalism and how that is no longer possible in the current world we live in. So let’s get our tea (or Pepsi in my case), and get into it.
What is Tone Policing?
Alrighty. So, tone policing. Every single one of us has experienced this, whether we realize it or not. Tone policing is basically telling someone to calm down, lower their voice, or “fix their tone” for their message to be received better by others. While this is sometimes a good thing (using this during a screaming match between two coworkers is definitely a good thing. please do that.), tone policing is extremely common in journalism right now. Most people don’t like loud, outspoken, angry, or “in your face” writing, because let’s face it: it can’t be ignored. They can’t ignore the volume at which words are written, because those words are screamed at them by their internal voice. I’ve been seeing tone policing a lot more often in journalism than I ever have, and I’ve been publishing pieces since 2020. So instead of putting up and shutting up, we’re going to make our voices, words, actions, and tones louder and louder.
So… what if I don’t write?
That’s TOTALLY fine. You can still tell tone policers to kiss your ass. Restack posts, notes, and quotes that you agree with on Substack. Share posts on Facebook. Share quotes on Pinterest. Post political songs on your Snapchat selfies. You can still be loud with your actions, especially if it’s not safe for you to be loud in public. If you’re in an unsafe family, household, community, or job: YOU’RE STILL BEING LOUD. You’re being loud just by existing in their space, and that’s one of the most badass things you can do. (To my blue minnows in red seas, this is for you. I LOVE YOU. Keep being badass.)
The title of tonight’s Tea with Ren is “Don’t Ask Me to be Civil While They’re Tearing Families Apart”. How this ties into tone policing is by saying that we’re not being polite anymore. We’re not sparing feelings. We’re not ignoring. We’re not being quiet on the sidelines while watching injustice occur in front of us at every turn. We’re not being nice to MAGAts in our family or friends, because FUCK THEM. They suck. They are tearing families to shreds just because, what? They can? They’re “infringing on our country”? Well, guess what? This country EXISTS because of people they tried to erase. We won’t let that happen. We won’t let students, parents, sons, daughters, PEOPLE be forgotten and erased.
We will be LOUD. We’ll be loud for them, and for ourselves. For my writers, we’ll be angry, sad, loving, and caring when we need to be. For my sharers, we’ll share the news, updates, quotes, and injustice that shakes us to our core. For my existers, we’ll keep showing up in spaces that we’re not welcome into. We will NOT be ignored.
As I said in Coffee with Ren this morning, to everyone in LA and also everyone traveling to LA to report on the protests, please stay safe and stay strong. We are all so incredibly proud of you, and if any of you are reading this, we’re cheering you on every step of the way. Document as much as you can, but protect yourselves and your fellow man. Love thy neighbor. Take care of those around you. No man left behind means more right now than it ever did.
I see you, I hear you, I love you. Keep being the badasses we know we are. I’ll see everyone tomorrow morning for Coffee with Ren.
Say whatever you want, but please don’t be physically violent. Don’t act out. Be smarter, acting out only helps them in hurting more and more people. Acting out means we won’t get anyone out of prisons because they will be busy putting people there relentlessly.
Acting out, violence = helping MAGA. Don’t that the bait.